Samantha Bee’s brilliant, depressing take on workplace harassment

Samantha Bee isn’t just television’s only female late-night host, she said on Monday’s episode of Full Frontal: “I’m also the female mother of two female daughters. And like any lady-parent, I want my girls to dream big.”

But, Bee explained in a devastatingly brilliant six-minute segment, those dreams are too often deferred by workplace sexism. “Samantha Bee’s #Roar, You-Go-Girl Job Fair for Future Women. Lean In!” shows girls their “options” for a future career — and shows that there’s almost no career path where women aren’t subject to sexual harassment.

Want to grow up to be a park ranger? You can look forward to the kind of rampant sexual abuse and harassment uncovered at Grand Canyon National Park. Women were repeatedly groped and propositioned — and rejecting sexual advances might mean losing your food rations, or even finding an aluminum can full of human feces outside your tent.

“Uh, she wouldn’t sleep with me before, maybe the gift of my poop will charm her out of her cargo shorts!” Bee said, imitating whichever guy thought that move was a good idea.

What about working on a cruise ship? “What a fun place to work, unless you need birth control,” Bee said.

Norwegian Cruise Lines recently told its employees they can’t get emergency contraception anymore unless they’re raped — which is a sadly likely outcome, as Bee’s interviews with cruise ship workers show.

“It’s the most sexual harassment I’ve ever seen in any workplace,” one woman said. Another called the ship “Rape Town, USA.”

Bee also discussed the rampant problem of sexual harassment in the comedy scene, and how women comics have banded together to share their stories.

“People are always like, ‘I wonder why there aren’t more female comedians?’” Bee said. “Maybe it’s because every time a woman opens her mouth to tell a joke, someone tries to put their dick in it.”

She quickly clarified that it’s #NotAllMen — “It’s just a few guys getting away with harassment and assault over and over and over again.” The entertainment industry is full of alleged serial offenders like Bill Cosby, whom Bee also referenced in the segment.

“There’s not a workplace on land or sea or even at the bottom of a big, deep hole in the ground where we’re actually keeping women safe,” Bee said.

She’s right, and it’s a big problem. It doesn’t matter if you’re a pop star, an advocate for progressive causes, or even a scientist. Women in all fields get sexually harassed.

And the solution, Bee suggests, is for men to get their act together: “Right now I’m actually picturing some guy saying, ‘Ugh, what am I supposed to do, stop asking women out at work because it makes them uncomfortable?’ Yes. You’re at work.”